Smeltings and Hogwarts Collide
by Jordana Kari
Summary: AU. Hogwarts is taking in muggle students to see if wizards and muggles can get along. Smeltings is one of the unfortunate schools, and Aunt Marge is chaperoning. Who knows what will happen.
1. Chapter 1

Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling.

* * *

"By a new decree of the ministry of magic Hogwarts will take in a muggle school for a short period of time," Dumbledore announced during supper. Which caused many of the students to choke of the bones of their turkey and their un-thoroughly chewed vegetables. Mostly coming from the Slytherin table. 

"This is merely an experiment to see if it is possible to have decent co-existence with muggles," Dumbledore continued despite the interruptions. "Their minds will be wiped if this does not succeed. I will post the schools tomorrow in each house common room."

"Certain students will accompany the muggles to Hogwarts in order not to create severe shock in these exchange students," Dumbledore finished off.

As soon as Dumbledore left the podium the students began to talk among themselves.

"My dad is going to be so jealous," Ron chuckled to himself.

"I hope that it isn't my old school," Hermione shuddered. "I would rather avoid all the bullies who teased me for being a _weirdo_."

"So nothing has changed," Ron commented. "What do you think Harry?"

"I hope that I wont have to deal with Dudley any more than I do already," Harry said honestly.

"Harry you know that you're going to be chosen to ride with them either way," Hermione pointed out. "One, because you're a celebrity, and you have so much experience with muggles already."

"You know she is right," Ron said glumly. Then he perked up. "Maybe both of us will be chosen."

At the Slytherin table.

"I can't believe it," Malfoy spat. "It's bad enough that they let muggle borns in. Now they are letting the stupid muggles without any powers in as well."

Everyone agreed. There wasn't a happy person in the Slytherin house.

* * *

Next Morning. 

It seemed that everyone in the Gryffindor, with the exception of Neville, had gotten up early to see which schools were coming and who would get to see them first.

Harry had found a letter on his bed that he would be accompanying the muggles on the school bus, and that he would have to give an introduction of himself. Hermione suggested that he handed out a few books that he had been featured in. Harry thought that seemed a little too vain.

While Harry moved his elbows through the crowd like a muggle weed-whacker to find out the school he was assisting.

_State School- Harry Potter, Ronald Weasly, and Seamus Finnigan._

_Smeltings- Draco Malfoy, Percy Weasly, and George Weasly._

Harry nearly fell down as he read the name of his cousin's school.

* * *

Dudley's view. 

"Students the Prime Minister has asked us to participate in an exchange program with a student that have a completely different lifestyle," a staticy female voice was heard throughout the school. "These students have offered to take some of us into their school. It would be best to treat them well."

The entire maroon and orange clad student body knew who she was addressing, Dudley Dursley. He was very proud of that, and the fact that he was getting away with it. Knowing not so little duddy-kins intelligence you would know that he assumed that this would be somewhere in Ireland.

Ruler here.

Next day.

"Hello!" the sugary only to Dudley voice of Marge rang through the school hallways.

There were a few seconds of mild snickers as Aunt Marge pulled him into a death grip that could be interpreted as a hug.

"I have come along as a chaperone on this long trip for my favorite nephew," Marge cheered as she still held Dudley.

Dudley however was too horrified to notice anything but the name of the school he was visiting. **Hogwarts**

'Harry can hurt me at that school,' was the only thing that ran through Dudley's uncomplicated mind.

"The buses will be boarding in a few hours," the staticy voice announced over the intercom. "There a few guest from this school will take us on a train to their esteemed school."

"Relax duddy-kins, I wont let anyone hurt you," she said sensing something in her nephew.

"Nobody can stop those people," he whispered to himself.

On the Bus. (After Malfoy had laughed himself blue in the face)

"Hello worthless muggles, I will let you know right now that there are two kinds of…" Malfoy spoke with spite.

"Ahem," Percy reminded Draco.

"People in my school. There are the smart kind and the dumb kind. The smart kind believe that your filthy kind should be killed," Malfoy continued. The whole entire bus stared at him with their jaws dropped.

"I would like to say that very few of us are as narrow minded as this student," Percy said with an air of stiffness.

You could hear the flies on the unsanitary bus.

On the state schools bus.

"Holy Crud! What that loser Harry doing on this bus," A random guy asked. "And why is he dressed like a freak?"

Ron's jaw dropped. The only way he had ever seen Harry treated before was like a famous man, but he did see him treated like shunned celebrity.

"I can't tell you anything until I get to the train station," Harry answered calmly. "Then I will explain all your questions."

"You'll have loads of questions when we get on the train," Ron laughed. "Now lets all do divination homework."

"Your making us do your homework," a particularly snotty girl asked.

"Here, Harry will start you out," Ron offered.

"I will be killed on the 30th by being buried alive in owl droppings until I suffocate," Harry pulled off the top of his head. "I have already predicted my death now so no one else can do that."

"The crazier the better," Seamus put in. He too had adapted this method of doing divination homework.

"We will be attacked by a giant bear on the train," one girl suggested.

"Lets change the bear to a flock of hippogriffs. It seems too muggle," Seamus suggested.

"That's yours then," Harry offered.

"What's a muggle?" the kid who just made fun of Harry asked.

"Everything will be explained on the train," Harry explained. It was quite obvious that he was reciting a textbook answer.

* * *

This is my first Harry Potter fic ever. I'm an Avatard. The next chapter will involve the train, and a severe case of shock for aunt Marge. This is an AU obviously, and I am very well aware that this has never happened and it never will. Lets all pretend that this happened right around Harry's fourth year.

Sorry for the shortness. I promise they will get longer.

My profile contains spoiler for the last book. It's just gloating that my pairings won.

Review please.


	2. Chapter 2

JK Rowling owns Harry Potter, not me.

* * *

Kings station.

"Why are we standing in front of bricks?" Dudley asked. His aunt who was standing right by him was equally confused.

"You walk through the wall of course," Harry said from behind them. Both jumped with a start and turned to face him.

"Are you off your rocker boy?" Marge asked him rudely.

"No," Harry said through gritted teeth. Then he walked in and out of the wall right in front of them as if it was nothing.

"So that's how you freaks never get caught," Dudley said as if he had spent months thinking about this.

"Excuse me, but we are not freaks," Percy cut in. He looked extremely miffed.

"With the exception Percy here that is," Fred said with a good natured wink.

"What is your school like?" all the things Dudley had been curious about but never had the nerve to ask appeared in his mind. You would have held those back too if a wizard gave you an animals tail.

"You would have to go there," Seamus interrupted; he felt a little left out. " It's a good thing you will."

"So all of you go to St. Brutices?" Marge sniffed with an air of contempt. "The special school for hopeless mental cases."  
"If you keep on talking like that you will wish that Hogwarts was a school for hopeless cases," Draco interrupted angrily; he had been listening in.

"Are you friends with Harry?" Dudley couldn't help but ask. He didn't really like this boy, and he kind of felt the same about Harry. It just made sense.

At that moment George, Percy, Draco, Seamus, Harry, and Ron started to laugh so hard that they were on the ground. Well, Fred was anyways.

As soon as George could breath he explained.

"Harry and Draco hate each other with a passion," George explained. "They couldn't be less alike."  
"Harry is annoyingly saint like," Draco spat out with disgust. Marge looked at him very strangely.

"_Draco_ is as slimy as his name suggest," Harry seethed through gritted teeth. Everyone stared at Harry in surprise, and it was reasonable considering most didn't know his history with Marge.

"Harry is a good guy, he even busted bigger rules than me and George have," Fred laughed. "While Malfoy is a stiff with a stick shoved up his bum."

"I have only to say that even though Harry has broken far more rules than Malfoy, it has always been for a far better reason than any minuscule that Malfoy has to done anything," Percy put in stiffly.

"You make the little whelp sound like a hero," Marge huffed. At that everyone, including Malfoy, was staring at her in disbelief.

"You have a lot to learn," Fred told her.

As soon as that was muttered it turned 12 o'clock, and according to their schedule that was the time the Hogwarts train pulled into station.

Professor McGonagall walked out of the wall to give instructions.

"As all students here know no muggles seem to notice this barrier," Ms. McGonagall announced in a way that she is well known for. "This extends to muggles being unable to cross this barrier without our help."

Every wizard gulped. Needless to say no one wanted to help Marge and Dudley across the gates for multiple reasons.

At that moment Dudley put up his brat walls again. He was not afraid of McGonagall, and that proved exactly how foolish he was.

"All students grab the hands of at least 7 muggles and walk in," the professor instructed.

By now everyone saw that Harry was the most reliable person here. Naturally, that reason made them choose Harry as their guide. Who would trust Malfoy to take them anywhere?

That left Dudley, Aunt Marge, and Draco alone.

"I hate you," was all that Malfoy would say to them.

"Freak," Dudley bit back. "I can see why…"

"Whatever," Draco shrugged off.

On the train.

All the muggle students were in complete shock. Most of them hadn't seen Harry pull that wall stunt.

"Do you think that was a hologram?"

"Are these people for real?"

"Remember when we said that we would explain everything on the train," Percy began. "Now we will clarify things."

"We are wizards, and Hogwarts is a school for witches and wizards," Percy continued.

"Why are you announcing this?" A random kid from Smeltings asked.

"Because I am head boy," Percy said pompously. At that Fred and Ron hit their heads with the butt of their hands.

After that Fred pushed his brother away.

"I am Fred Weasly, Please do not clump me with my stuffy brother," He said with a grin and a gleam in his eye that made Dudley a little nervous. "If you haven't figured out that they chose a kid from each different group to get you then you too thick to help."

Dudley felt resentment at that statement for obvious reasons. He looked up and saw his Aunt Marge was fuming.

"I will tell you about Harry Potter since his is far too modest to do it properly," Fred said dramatically, and the fact that Harry was on the verge of being mortified was only encouraging him.

"The Noble Harry Potter is the first person to have ever survived the killing curse," Fred said dramatically. "For all you muggles that is like surviving being stabbed in the heart with a very large tree."

"You know, sometimes I think that Fred and George want to be actors," Ron told Harry under his breath.

"Now if our little brother would stop gossiping like a good little girl I would be happy to tell you more about Harry," George continued; making Ron turn the same color as his hair. "Or we could tell you about my less heroic but far more entertaining escapades."

"I for one wouldn't want to hear someone babble about Potter!" A random kid from Stone-wall shouted out.

At that moment McGonagall chose rescued the poor teachers that had to teach the muggles from being influenced by the greatest pranking duo Hogwarts had ever seen. Lucky for her she taught a subject that couldn't be done by muggles, and would only have to teach them the method which took only half of her class.

"All non-magical students and chaperones you are about to enter the wizarding world," She said formally. "I highly doubt that any of you will require a demonstration after entering the platform."

"YOU KNOW WE ARE NOT STUPID!" Marjorie screamed out in rage, and Harry swore he had seen her face turn purple just like Uncle Vernon.

"Please keep your voice down," Professor McGonagall said appalled. "You are setting a very poor example for the children you are chaperoning."

Harry was torn between warning McGonagall about his 'Aunt' Marge and actually admitting that he was related to these people.

"Can you guys really fly on brooms?" a random kid shouted excitedly.

"Please tell me you don't do any rituals sky-clad," one girl begged.

"What is sky clad?" Ron asked loudly; the poor girl sighed in relief.

"Ron please stop asking that," Harry pleaded with a flushed face.

* * *

The rest of the trip went on a lot like that did. Full of Awkward muggle assumptions and questions that seemed incredibly stupid to the pure blooded wizards.

The train pulled to a stop and many of the smelting students braced themselves for students like Draco Malfoy. It was a very common thing to be laughed at when they went on a field trip, but they were not necessarily ready for people who would hate them because of their parents.

The rest of the students were scared because they couldn't see anything past that weird looking town besides castle ruins. None of the students seemed to be able to agree on what was on the other side of the town, and that is what clued the brighter students in.

"Excuse me students, but I must inform you of the sorting ceremony," Professor McGonagall announced.

"What!" Harry blurted out angrily. This caused many students to look at him. The kids who went to Stonewall knew that he didn't want to be stuck in the same room as his cousin; though Draco Malfoy interpreted it differently.

"I didn't know you hated muggles so much Potter," he commented.

"I just hate the fat and rude ones," Harry replied, whish caused many to laugh.

"Please break this up before I am forced to take away house points," Professor McGonagall cut in. "Now let's all make our way to the Great Hall."

* * *

A Draco is a serpent from ancient legend. Those reasons being their size and their attitude. Sorry, I forgot the name of the school. Sky clad is a part of some Wicca rituals where you do things naked.

Sorry for waiting so long and the writers block thing is over hopefully. Please review.


	3. Chapter 3

I do not own Harry Potter

Also to **quotetimeyay**: What you have written me is asinine, serves no purpose to improve the story, and reeks of arrogance. As an anonymous reviewer that doesn't read past the third chapter and criticizes one measly joke over the series of six poorly written and not at all thought out reviews, you have no value to me or any author on this site. Your original comments were forgotten over the course of a day, and the fact that you think I wanted an explanation as to why my joke rubbed **you** the wrong way when the majority loved it seems arrogant. This can be surmised in one sentence, **unless you have constructive criticism that doesn't include me tailoring my humor to your taste don't bother reviewing again. **

* * *

Dudley wondered why there was no cement on this end of the train station as he walked along. It was dark and unpleasantly cold, and there were only a small amount of boats and one carriage. It was obvious that the horseless carriages were for Harry and the rest of the wizards since there were no signs of horses.

"All muggles in the boat, and don't be to slow," Hagrid called out. Dudley yelped and put his hands on his bum. All the muggles looked at him strangely while Hagrid chuckled.

"Why don't we get the carriages?" Dudley demanded to know when he got his spine back.

"I don' see why you had to come, but its fer' the view that your gonna get," Hagrid said gruffly.

"Well the carriages seem far more comfortable," Aunt Marge stepped in. The sound of Harry smacking his face into his palm could be heard.

"I don' care what they seem like you're gonna ride the boats-including bad chaperones," Hagrid told her. He was doing his best to stay out of her face but she was just impossible.

"I will not be treated like a second class citizen," Aunt Marge had puffed up like an owl that was trying to look threatening.

"You're lucky to be treated like a human," Harry mumbled so quietly that only Ron heard him.

"I just realized-are they those annoying relatives you live with?" Ron asked clueless.

"I don't live with Aunt Marge, but I do live with Dudley," Harry said softly. There was a lot that the wizarding world didn't know about the first ten years of his life with the Dursley's, and he wanted it to stay that way. After all-most abused children are to ashamed to admit their being abused in the first place. That was one of the biggest reasons why he didn't want anyone to know they were related to him.

"I won't tell anyone Harry," Ron said. He wasn't entirely clueless-sometimes he was very observant.

"Thanks Ron," Harry said kindly.

"JUST GET ON THE BOAT!" Hagrid bellowed. Everyone turned around to see what was happening. Hagrid looked like he was on the edge of insanity. He was bent over her so she had to look straight up to see his face-which was 6 inches away from hers. You could almost pity "Aunt" Marge because it looked like she was going to wet herself.

Everyone decided that it was best to move on and stop wasting time at that point. Ron personally thought that Hagrid had just scared the living daylights out of the muggles.

While Harry was riding up in his thestral drawn carriage talking to his friend and ignoring Draco Malfoy Dudley was feeling miserable.

He was wet because he had thrown a tantrum in the middle of the lake- soaking himself, his aunt, and some poor muggle girl who was small for her age. Now any appreciation he might have had of the magnificent view of Hogwarts on the lake was lost on him. Aunt Marge wouldn't have appreciated it in the first place, but the innocent girl still enjoyed the view.

There is only one time when Dudley was ever happy to see the steps of Hogwarts, and that was now. Right now Hogwarts represented food and shelter. It represented the place where his cousin came back healthier than Dudley thought he had any right to be.

The same woman from the train station stood up on the top of the stairs. Most of the Muggles wondered how she could move so fast.

"Welcome to Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry." An unpleasant girl made a squeak as soon as she heard the word witchcraft. "Tonight you will be sorted into your houses and while you are here these houses will be your home. I am aware of the American exchange students that are also here, and we have made special accommodations."

With that she turned around briskly and led the group into the great hall. The beauty of the great hall was also lost on Dudley-since he was still pouting about the incident in the lake. He didn't even notice the ratty hat that sat on the stool, but he did notice the small snickers when people saw the Smeltings uniform.

"Adam Bartic," McGonagall called out.

"Gryffindor!"

"Dudley Dursley," McGonagall called. Dudley elbowed his way through the students and made his way to the stool.

_Not as interesting as your cousin was, but still not easy_. Dudley jumped with a start when he heard the hats voice in his head. _You are cunning, but not clever or ambitious. _Dudley's butt cheeks clenched. _You have some bravery in you and you definitely not Hufflepuff material. _

Meanwhile down in the Gryffindor table-Harry, Ron, and the twins were taking bets about Dudley's placing. Harry wasn't sure so he chose not Gryffindor and Ron was trying to explain why Dudley was a Slytherin to Fred and George. Apparently they didn't think that he was bright enough for Slytherin, and if Fred and George are saying that you know it's bad.

"Don't insult me hat!" Dudley yelled angrily.

"Slytherin!" the hat announced.

"You owe me ten galleons," Ron said smugly.

The sorting went on and Dudley's rat faced friend Peers joined him in Slytherin. The food appeared on the table and Dudley's cries of joy and astonishment could be heard throughout the halls.

For the first time Harry turned his attention to the table reserved for Americans. He was not alone in doing so. It looked like drunken house elves made the food.

It would have been good had it not been for the fact that it was so greasy looking that it made you feel unhealthy from a ten foot distance. It was obvious the Americans agreed since the only one looking at the food was a girl who was using her reflection off the turkey to apply a small amount of lipstick.

That was not what caught everyone's attention though-it was the benches that did it. They were clearly made for someone like Dudley and the poor (slightly scrawny) Americans literally had to put their backs into moving the benches and inch.

Most agreed that it was stereotyping gone wrong in every single way imaginable.

Ron leaned in and told Hermione about Dudley.

"Let's talk about this later when everyone has gone to bed," Harry suggested quietly.

Hermione took the hint and told Ron to drop it. Everyone at until they were full-even the Americans managed to become full with the help of paper towels. The food vanished and all the wizards turned their attention to Dumbledore. The muggle students took the cue and decided to do the same. Dumbledore walked up to the eagle podium and cleared his throat.

"I would like to thank Stonewall High, Smeltings boarding School, and the Band competition association of America for allowing their students to this school." The Chaperones nodded in return. "The full list of banned items can be found in our caretaker's office if you wish to view it, and now we will sing the Hogwarts School Song."

Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts.

Teach us something please?

Whether we be old and bald or young with scabby knees.

I heads could do some filling,

With some interesting stuff.

Now they're bare and full of air,

Dead flies and bits of fluff.

So teach us things worth knowing,

Bring back what we've forgot.

Just do your best and we'll do the rest,

And learn until our brains all rot.

The song surprised many muggle students, and almost every one of them with a sense of humor found the song hysterical.

Now it was time to leave and everyone was so full that Harry and his friend didn't have to wait very long for some privacy. He wasn't sure if that was a bad thing or a good thing.

"Harry? I got the feeling you wanted to tell us something," Hermione said gently.

"How did you pick up that?" Ron yawned.

"Honestly," Hermione groaned with frustration.

"Yes-it's about the Dursleys," Harry explained. Both of his friends woke up immediately. "There is something you should know about the first ten years of my life."

* * *

_The only reason the American students are here is because I wanted to mock the bad stereotypes. I know that no one really believes most of them, but it went through three distorted kinds of views so naturally it got pretty bad._

_Thanks to choirsinger, Shadow Priesstes, TGIF but only once a week, mundi, Nightwingrox, wello12309, randomness, Luiz4200, knickknack, ditzydizzydessy101, and last but certainly not least Athena Hermione Ravett for reviewing. I updated! Now wish me luck in not getting killed by fans of "The Ghost"._

_I would also like to ask for a beta-if you are interested that is._


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own Harry Potter

* * *

_**In the Slytherin Dorms**_

"Don't touch my stuff you freak!" Dudley bellowed at Draco Malfoy. Apparently he accidentally walked a little too close to Dudley's suitcase.

"I think the pig needs to learn to respect his superiors," Draco taunted. His cronies were standing right behind him, so it looked like he was talking to them.

"As if a unnatural freak like you could be my superior," Dudley bit back.

"It's _an_ not…oh never mind. It would be over your head," Draco said while shaking his head.

The Muggles in the wizards did not get separated dorms, as every staff member and their mother advised against, but Dumbledore instead chose to combine them in the name of tolerance and equality. Not only was this a massive inconvenience for every Hogwarts student who had to relocate, but the muggles found the moving pictures disturbing and would undoubtedly get no sleep.

"Are you insulting me?" Dudley asked outraged.

"No that's a complement," Draco said sarcastically. Dudley then decided to use his finely honed punching skills on Malfoy. He was hit strait in the stomach.

Draco Malfoy was now curled on the floor with the wind knocked out of him. Crabble grabbed his wand and sent the only spell he could think of at Dudley. "_Wingardium Leviosa"_

Dudley rose into the air shakily and suddenly came down on his face. There were two reasons for this. One, Crabble was that powerful a spell caster in a situation, two, Piers did a flying tackle and pinned Crabble to the floor like a wrestler on TV.

Three pure blood fanatic wizards immediately tackled Piers before he got up, the muggles took that they attacked a small muggle personally and all hell broke loose.

* * *

_**In the Gryffindor common room**_

"My room wasn't always the room you and your brothers rescued me from," Harry started out. He was quiet and hesitant, but he still managed to look strong.

"Why do I think that this is going to be very bad?" Ron asked Hermione.

"Probably because it will be," Hermione said and Harry groaned inwardly.

In the dorms

"Why the heck do all of you have a hero worship complex for Harry Potter," One of the kids from Stonewall asked guardedly.

"You guys would have to listen through his life story to understand," George teased.

* * *

_**Ravenclaw Common Room**_(Do not read if you have a headache or aren't interested in intellectual discussion)

"What is the main muggle theory for creation?" one wizard asked.

"There are two basic categories. There are creationists, and there are evolutionists. Evolutionist can't explain where it all came from and some flail around hopelessly when confronted with this issue, but science and research can back up everything else they believe. Creationist can explain everything the evolutionist can't, but there is not proof of any cosmic being to prove that it exist or it doesn't," the muggle answered. "The creationist can also use recorded miracles to back their stand up."

As you might have guessed the Ravenclaws were having an intellectual discussion. All of them had gathered next to a roaring fire and they were having a massive discussion with individual conversations ending when someone brought up a really fascinating subject. That's right, ALL of them, the room was crowded and warm. However nothing satisfies a clever person like a good intellectual debate.

"Which one are you?" another random Ravenclaw asked.

"I am a creationist, but I also believe that evolution is real too-just not to the extent that the evolutionists believe," the muggle answered. "What is the wizarding explanation?"

"Oh don't tell me. You're a Jatravartid and you worship the Great Green Arkleseizure." one muggle said teasingly. Some muggles glared at him. "Hey I wasn't insulting anyone. I just have Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy on the brain."

Then most of the muggles and muggle-borns laughed.

"Well, the Big Bang pretty much is based on an actual magical event, but by no means did it create animals. So in the big sense it's unknown to us as well," The wizard who started the explanation

"I think we all want to know about electricity," one wizard put in.

"Where to start," a random muggle groaned.

"Let's start with the structure of an atom-after all that is where electrons are," One muggle shouted. She had a nasally drawn out vowels American accent. "Does anyone have a piece of paper? I think a diagram could help."

"There are three basic parts to the atom a proton, neutron, and electrons," the American muggle explained.

"The electrons have a negative charge and loose electrons are what create electricity," one of the Smelting students put in.

"How do the electrons get loose?"

"First we need to explain the electron levels and then it will actually make more sense," one muggle reprimanded. "Now there are six levels an atom can have, and one electron fills the first level, eight for all the others."

"How do atoms have electrons in the first place?'

"I guess we should have explained that earlier," one muggle said while biting his lip. "The protons have a positive attraction."

Needless to say this went on for hours-when they got tired someone made a trip to the kitchen for hot cocoa and coffee. Thus making the mass discussions even more mind numbing to the average person.

* * *

_**Gryffindor Common Room**_

"So they starved you?" Hermoine asked. Her eye's looked murderous.

"No. I just never really got enough food, or any of the good tasting food," Harry explained while trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

* * *

_**Hufflepuff Dorms**_

One Hufflepuff girl sat one her bead reading her bible. Ever so often she would look and glare at a random wizard or witch. There were at least three girls doing the same thing-minus the glaring of course.

The Hufflepuffs were generally a pleasant lot. Most of them had no large amount of real talent so they made up for with determination. Most agreed that the way the Hufflepuffs did things regarding talent was equal if not better than being a natural born protégé.

However we cannot forget the sorting hat's quote from Helga Hufflepuff "We'll take the lot, and teach them all the same" so naturally they were more likely to draw the short straw when it came to sorting.

This girl, Christy Pious, was the hypothetical "short straw" of the muggle group. She was from England. She was modest but not in a good way, average in weight and height, and had the kind of face you wouldn't notice unless you had to look straight at it.

Then she chose to glare at the right moment and met someone's eyes.

"What's your problem?" the poor wizard asked.

"You're all Satanist!" the girl screamed out in a rage. This caused a very awkward moment when everyone stared at her then each other. One witch took out her King James Bible, walked over to the crazy girl, and whacked her over the head. No riot was started, but that girl lost any chance of becoming friends with the people in Hufflepuff.

* * *

"So that's when you first discovered that you were a parsle tongue," Hermione realized. "That punishment was horrible."

Harry didn't really say anything about this.

* * *

_**Slytherin Common room**_

The brawl started in one room as you know, but soon it was an entire house wide brawl that nobody escaped. Everyone was punched at least once. Halfway throughout the brawl it came to indiscriminant punching and purebloods were pounding other purebloods to a pulp. Muggles had reached that point a little earlier in the brawl, but that is only because they weren't as stuck up and narrow minded as the wizards. In other words the muggles didn't focus on hurting the wizards as much as the wizards focused on hurting the muggles.

Sooner or later the noise irritated the Slytherin Head of House into bringing the Headmaster-which ended the fight. Not that it was easy.

"You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Before I combined you in the hope that it would bring understanding," Dumbledore lectured. "But now I combine you as a punishment for this behavior."

Semi toothless cries of outrage came out from the Slytherins.

"All of you will serve a month of after class detentions," Dumbledore called out over the crowd. "Now let's get all of you over to the hospital wing."

The Slytherins filed out as quickly as you could after a large fight.

* * *

At one in the morning everyone was finally asleep. The Slytherins winced and twitched in the over populated hospital wing. The Hufflepuffs went asleep at a normal time and nobody was really angry except for Christy Pious. The Gryffindors shared tales of valor ranging from saving a baby chipmunk to Harry's adventures. The Ravenclaws fell asleep one by one in their common room with a better understanding of world view, electricity, the atom, magic's power over physics and how is relates to mind over matter, the difference between a charm and a spell, the aerodynamics of a broomstick and how physics applies, Rupe Goldbert Machines and why muggles make them, and the truly horrible things that would have to happen find and maintain world peace.

* * *

_Christy Pious. I bet you're wondering about her. Well Athena Hermione Ravett thought I should make one of these kids really religious in a bad way, but instead I just kind of made a character for all the Religious people who thought that Harry Potter was a spawn of Satan._

_The word pious can have too different meanings. The good(the better of the two if you are anti-Christian) one is devoted to God and Holey. The bad one is thinking that anyone who doesn't agree with you or do things your way is damned and you will alway be their superior. _

_I didn't put in a lot of Harry's conversation with Ron and Hermione for a reason. I already have plans for that and to put it in twice would be kind of stupid. I am sorry for the disappointment, but like I said there are plans and I hope that you find those more enjoyable. _

_The Ravenclaw topics of discussion are all things that I've wondered about throughout my short life. Also I think that I can start writing regularly again.  
_

_The Slytherin Brawl-I couldn't resist it. This very fan fiction was born with the thought "Wouldn't Dudley and Draco get in such a big fight if they ever met." Why did Dudley start it? He is the head on fighter and Draco would just wait to strike like most intelligent Slytherins._


	5. Chapter 5

I do not own Harry Potter.

* * *

Harry walked into the Great hall with his friends by his side, and it appears the house elves haven't gotten the message about the diet of the average American. Indeed, the only one who seemed to be enjoying meal was Dudley who, by day two, had found the liberal amounts of bacon grease too tempting to pass up.

Marge was bullying her way into the head table, but McGonagall wouldn't allow that to pass. Apparently McGonagall thought that you should only get the honor if you were teaching and Marge the hippo thought that age should be the determining factor.

Then, of course the owl post came in and there was mass panic on the part of the muggles, some of which had a severe fear of birds.

Now back to their conversation…

"I think Malfoy just turned electric blue," Hermione snickered. And indeed he was, for sitting right next to him was Dudley, he had moved on from the American table. Dudley was half covered in bacon grease and Malfoy was regarding him with utter contempt.

"I don't know which one is worse, Dudley or Malfoy," Ron mumbled through half a mouthful of food.

"Did you notice the small amount of Slytherins in the Great Hall on this wonderful morning?" Fred said to Harry, Ron, and Hermione. He had been wondering why and found the question too hard to ignore, so he interrogated everyone who might possibly know anything on the subject. When the answer was found he laughed for about a minute, then he rushed off and told everyone he met.

"I did, and Dudley howled the entire story to us," Hermione said bluntly. "Quite predictable behavior actually, given that what binds the houses together is similar fatal flaws and strengths, this was actually very consistent with the common underlying tones of the Slytherin house."

"Very interesting observation Granger," a tired looking Ravenclaw said to her, he was about to ask the Gryffindors if they had any tea left on their table that they would be willing to spare. "Why don't you come to the Ravenclaw common room tonight, we had a very rousing discussion of…well all things we could think of. I'm sure you'd be welcome."

"That sounds lovely," Hermione responded politely. In truth she wasn't all that interested, but she would keep her study schedule open. It would be refreshing to have an intelligent conversation that didn't involve Quidditch.

"Well, that was interesting," Ron commented light heartedly. "Ravenclaw was your second house wasn't it?"

"Second house?" Hermione asked, and Harry looked a little confused as well.

"Well, there is the house you're sorted in and then there is your second house. It's the house the sorting hat would have put you in if he didn't think that you were Gryffindor material, the houses would be boring if everyone was pure Gryffindor," Ron explained with his mouth half full of mashed potatoes. "The sorting hat mentioned Hufflepuff, but he said that my loyalty was needed else ware."

"Oh, the sorting hat almost put me in Ravenclaw," Hermione answered.

"What was yours Harry?" Ron asked.

"I think that Gryffindor was actually the hat's second house for me, I almost had to fight it," Harry answered but left the question "What was his first choice?" up in the air. He wasn't going to tell anyone if he could help it.

Hermione sighed then opened her mouth to ask the obvious question, but she was interrupted by McGonagall.

"Schedules!" she called out to the Gryffindors.

Hermione was the first to get her schedule. It read:

_Student; Hermione Granger_

_History of Magic (History of England) - Gryffindor/Hufflepuff_

_Transfiguration (Geometry) - Gryffindor/Ravenclaw_

_Arithmacy (Math in Art) - Gryffindor/Ravenclaw_

_Charms (English) - Gryffindor/Hufflepuff_

_Potions (chemistry) Double- Slytherins/Gryffindor_

_Care of Magical Creatures (Career Focus) – Slytherins/Gryffindor_

_Defense against the dark arts (Gym) – Gryffindor/Hufflepuff_

"Double potions with Slytherin and then ANOTHER lesson with them!" Harry cried out in dismay. It was moments like these he wondered what he did to piss God off, or what he did in a previous life.

"What's chemistry?" Ron asked.

"It's a lot like potions when you're doing practical work, but otherwise it's focuses more on WHY Asphodel and wormwood make the drought of the living death than just telling you to make the drought of the living death," Hermione explained patiently.

"Its potions, but it makes more sense," Ron summarized.

"Exactly," Harry told him. Then a moment of realization came to him, there were muggle courses as well as magical courses. The same realization came to the other two, and they took a look at Draco Malfoy.

He didn't look enraged, in fact, he looked like he was having a hard time pronouncing the names of the muggle courses like chemistry, Gym, and geometry. He was looking around nervously to see if anyone could explain what on earth these courses were. This was so uncharacteristic of Draco that it was funnier than almost anything he had done in the presence of the muggle exchange students, despite the fact that it may not sound amusing in writing.

Soon everyone had received their Schedules, Snape started to pass Slytherins out sooner than McGonagall passed out Gryffindors, the only difference Ron had Harry had in their schedules was there was a _Divination (Art) –Gryffindor/Ravenclaw_ in the place of Hermione's Arithmacy.

McGonagall was passing letters out to select members of the student body, and Harry was one of the select few, his letter read;

_Dear Mr. Potter_

_We, as those who control the quality of education for the students, feel that you are an ideal candidate to teach the muggles currently attending Hogwarts. You are a very accomplished flier, you are the youngest Quidditch player in a century and you earned that title on your first flight on a broom. Therefore you have been selected to assist Madame Hooch. Your acceptance of this position is appreciated. This will be done in during your electives of the school days of Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. _

"They don't even give me a choice," Harry mumbled as he shoved both all of his papers in his school bag. The food vanished off the tables and everyone left for class.

* * *

I apologize for the long wait, and classes will start in the next chapter. I do not know too much about England's school systems, but all readers who are from England(I know you are there, thank reader traffic for that) please tell me about my mistakes. I'd like to thank each and every person who read this, and once more I apologize.


	6. Chapter 6 Actual Chapter

AN: I plan on finishing this story, and all my stories, soon. It's my goal to publish my own creative work on Kindle Books before September. However I will make it a priority to complete all my fan fiction work before I go on. With many of my stories I am going to rewrite the chapters, however this story is pure indulgence and I see no need to alter it.

* * *

Harry walked up to the Quidditch pitch and sighed. He had brought his firebolt out of habit; however he realized that this may have been inappropriate considering his students were going to use the school brooms.

As the muggles filed in he was greeted with confusion from most, from those who knew him from primary school and those who didn't. However, predictably, Marge and Dudley greeted him with a sneer and a nasty chorus of "What's that pathetic boy doing here" and "What the hell are you doing here!"

Madame Hooch took hold of the class with a single hawk like glare.

"We are here to learn how to fly on brooms, I must warn you, that given your insignificant amount of magic you will not be able to do what wizarding children can do. However it is a good experience even if you just manage to lift yourself ten feet of the ground," Hooch began, trying to prepare these children for disappointment. A broom only contained so much magic within it, true flight required magic from its flyer.

"Do you want to see what a wizard can do?" Asked Madame Hooch. Many of the children nodded enthusiastically.

"Then may I present to you the most talented flyer at Hogwarts and the youngest Quidditch player in century," Madame Hooch announced theatrically. Harry took this as his clue to take off.

He soared high in the air and did a corkscrew, and evasive maneuver he found very useful when avoiding bulgers. He looked down and saw that he could no longer make out the basic features of the muggle spectators.

He plummeted into a wronksi feint. Everything blurred on his way down and he pulled out as everyone had started to scream. He soared into the air once more, but he hadn't made it far before Madame Hooch called him down. She gave him a disapproving look as he landed. Looking at Dudley's face made it worth it. It was an ugly puce color with an equally ugly expression, Harry like to believe that he felt humiliated or shown up. Harry smirked at him, it was cocky smirk of victory.

"Now, you clearly won't be able to perform dangerous maneuvers," Madame Hooch said. "But we can start you flying. Stand beside one of the brooms over there."

She jerked her head towards a line of brooms, and as soon as everyone had done as she commanded she told them to hold their hand over their brooms.

"Now on the count of three shout up. You will probably have to give it a good few tries. One, two, three…" She instructed.

As the ups rang through the air Harry saw that the first person to succeed, a small blond boy, had to try six times before the broom would listen. He knew that this was going to be a long day.

At the end of class everyone but Dudley had been able to get their brooms to jump into their hands, and that one small blond boy had managed to get thirty feet in the air before his broom became to wobbly.

* * *

Harry had managed to get out of History of Magic his broom lessons with the Slytherin muggles. Judging by the chattering in Transfiguration, that hadn't been the blessing it usually would have been. A muggle teacher had taken over, and he was a fun teacher by all accounts. Ron actually compared his teaching style to professor Lupin's.

All discussion halted as McGonagall entered the room.

"This class is not like History or Potions, where there is a clear connection between the two subjects being combined," She began. "I would much rather have two separate class rooms, and two separate classes. I have succeeded in the first, but the latter request was refused. I will spend the two out of three days teaching you transfiguration, and the Geometry teacher will do the same to the muggle class. Then on the third day, we will switch and you will be taught conceptual geometry. After nine days you will be expected to write a paper combining conceptual geometry and the theory of transfiguration. "

This nearly brought the class to tears; even Hermione seemed alarmed by this.

"This assignment will not be graded harshly. In fact, if I see an effort in what I read you will receive an E. If you display any correct understanding you will receive an O," McGonagall consoled. "This may change, depending on how well you all perform."

McGonagall began teaching the theory of their next spell, and everyone broke out their partchment and quills quickly.

* * *

"Do you think we can join the art class instead of Divination?" Harry suggested.

"Not a chance, we're going to try and be mediums and we have to try to predict the future with our drawings," Ron supplied. Harry looked at him in surprise. "What, I've got a second cousin who does that sort of thing, and gets it right most of the time. But occasionally he draws something bonkers, like Hermione and I getting married."

Harry took a moment to process this information as he took to his seat. He was about to comment, but a teacher called for the beginning of class. He was supposedly the art teacher, but in all honesty he looked more like a gym teacher.

"I'm going to teach you guys good drawing technique, and that starts with drawing objects from real life. I have no idea how you can use that to predict the future, but at least I make your drawings look more realistic when you do." He announced. "I am Mr. Andrews, and I'm here to help you whenever you need it."

Treylawney came to give her announcements. Both Harry and Ron had decided to focus more on the drawing portion and say it represented some sort of dreary future if question by Treylawney.

"While you are drawing from real life, try your best to make it meditative. If you are open to the spirits the spirits can guide your hand and show you the future," She said theatrically. Mr. Andrews looked confused and frustrated by his new coworker, but he shook it off and put up a poster of a shaded sphere.

"This is what I always start my classes with, notice the different types of shadows, and be sure that it slowly gets darker," He said as he passed out blank pieces of paper and sharpened pencils to his mixed group of students. "Be aware of your core values!"


	7. Chapter 7

_AN: If you're skipping straight to this chapter, then go back to six, because it is no longer an author's note. I am sorry I've taken so long to actually start updating again. Sorry it's so broken up, it's a pet-peeve of mine and I will try to avoid it in the future. __**First person to guess who the Chemistry teacher is will get to be in the next chapter. **_

_Send me a description of what you look like and tell me a name to assign to your character. I don't expect you to use your real one, though you could and I would be none the wiser. I will also put mention your username. Think of this a treat for not hunting me down and killing me. _

* * *

As professor Flitwick climbed up the pile of books he used as a podium magic students who had been raised by muggles talked to each other trying to figure out how this class was going to work.

"I'm aware that all of you have had transfiguration, and I'm here to tell you that Mrs. Wells and I have come to similar arrangement," He announced. "We will switch every fourth class, and your essays will be graded in two ways. I will grade it for subject matter, and Mrs. Wells will grade it for your English usage."

Ron looked a bit panicked, but Harry seemed very relieved. Back in muggle primary school English had been one of his best subjects. He looked over to share a grin with Hermione, but was surprised to see that she looked very unhappy.

"Hermione, what's wrong?" Harry asked.

"English is so subjective! Grammar is nonsensical. English has always been my worst subject," Hermione confided. "It's just that it's never concrete. I've always done well in my science courses, or anything fact based. Where there is clear right and wrong answer."

She was babbling at this point. It was a defensive sort of babbling. Harry took mercy on her.

"I was very good at this in primary school, and it's about time I help you with something instead of the other way around," Harry said kindly.

* * *

Chemistry, or muggle potions as it was starting to be called, did not bode well for Harry. The teacher, Mr. Nettleship, seemed to be Snape's long lost brother and they got along splendidly; both sharing joy in tormenting their students. This did not bode well at all.

Understandably, when Harry walked in he found the seat furthest from the teachers and planned on blending in as much as he could. Was this a stupid plan that was doomed from the start, yes, yes it was. However it was Harry's only hope to survive a class with two Snapes.

As the rest of the students piled in, they gazed upon Harry with pity. Malfoy walked past him without so much as smirking and then, coming back into character, he began to whistle a funeral tap.

"Git," Murmured Ron.

Snape swooped into his classroom, robes fluttering like cheesy vampires. The infamous Mr. Nettleship followed. They looked rather alike. Both had hooked noses, and similar hair. What completed the picture was a stern look of contempt on both of their faces.

"Chemistry, is simply potions that focuses on why," Mr. Nettleship began. "This level of study in actual potions is only required to become a potions master. However in my school it is basic fare. In front of class there are textbooks you will take. You will read half of the first chapter tonight. If there are any questions tomorrow I do what I can to explain it."

Judging by the look on Mr. Nettleship's face, he would rather you not bother him with the question. In fact, he made it rather clear that having questions made you stupid in his eyes.

As everyone filed up Mr. Nettleship glared at Draco. He had set himself up to be the class know it all by talking to professor Snape before class and asking questions. While Malfoy would insist repeatedly that it was Hermione who fit the role, Mr. Nettleship had decided to fixate on Draco. Nettleship's attitude towards Harry was decide by three factors: Harry worked hard and paid attention, Harry didn't call attention to himself, and Harry seemed like a B to a B+ student based on his previous work. The tables had turned.

"Today, we shall be brewing a basic boil cure. It is the responsibility of Hogwarts students to assist the muggles," Snape instructed.

No one knew there was a storm brewing in the air. Mr. Nettleship had yet to show any particular like or dislike towards the students in this class. He hadn't had the opportunity to. Most assumed that the fraternal dynamic between the two would remain. Little did the class know, that lighting was about to strike.

Five minutes into class, the teachers had split and circled around the classroom.

"Really Draco, are you so incompetent that you can't do this without the esteemed Professor holding your hand?" Mr. Nettleship snapped. He said this almost simultaneously with Snapes comment to Harry: "Potter, do feel as if giving your unfortunate students the wrong direction will make your work look better by comparison?"

They heard each other, and slowly turned to face their friend turned traitor. The entire class became silent. Not even the cauldrons had the courage to bubble.

"From what I see, Harry is doing everything fairly well, and is doing it with little pomp and circumstance," Mr. Nettleship stated mildly. He sent a pointed glare at Malfoy.

That moment would seem perfect for a theatrical gasp from the peanut gallery, wouldn't it? But to the students in the classroom, what he said was far to terrifying for clichéd comedy. What summed up this moment was a shared look of horror between Harry and Draco, and a shared promise to kick each other out of the best hiding places if there wasn't enough room for two.

"Mr. Potter cannot do a single thing without pomp," Snape said through gritted teeth. This bewildered Mr. Nettleship for a moment.

"I cannot seem to remember if there is a form of colorblindness that would explain your confusion. Do you have a hard time distinguishing white hair from black?" Mr. Nettleship asked with saccharine politeness.

Ron started planning quick exit strategies.

"I will forgive your lack of judgment, you haven't had the time to accurately assess Mr. Potter or Mr. Malfoy," Snape ground out. Mr. Nettleship gave a nod, with a look on his face clearly stating that he would not be changing his mind about anything.

Throughout the rest of the class the two teachers were constantly aware of what the other was saying. The tension was thicker than Crabs skull, and when class ended. There was a nearly lethal stampede as the students ran out of the classroom.


	8. Chapter 8

AN:

Mr. Nettleship is my representation of the late John Nettleship. He was, in his own words, "a short-tempered chemistry teacher with long hair...[and a] gloomy, malodorous laboratory..". He was said to have gone after his more intelligent students, one of which was our very own JK Rowling, like Snape goes after Hermione. He was the inspiration for Snape. He died after the last book came out (so he died knowing he inspired a tragic hero), and was never quite as bad as Snape. He looks like Alan Rickman, look him up.

Here's hearty congratulations for 4blueeyes9, because not only was she the first to guess that he was the teacher from which JK Rowling drew inspiration from, but she gave me a character description that sounded good. You have earned yourself a running joke.

* * *

This is a devoted to a small group of muggles and some the surprises that Hogwarts has inside it. Complete with trick stairs, teachers, and doors that only open if you ask nicely, bullies, peeves, and one very interesting surprise.

The day did not begin well for Andrew Bird. It all began when a flood of owls came down upon his breakfast. A breakfast which did not have any coffee, might he add. He drank coffee with his breakfast, lunch, and maybe dinner if there was a special roast made. So, as a genuine caffeine addict, he suffered withdrawal symptoms in his first class. He was fortunate enough to have a friend who had mapped out all of his classes, and shared his first class with the Ravenclaw boy.

His second class was when it started to get tricky, he followed a classmate in his house. This classmate was a bad navigator. Cue first obstacle.

A door that won't open unless asked politely. Andrew was not in a polite mood that day, and no one told him what this particular door required. He also didn't know that the only class that required going through that door was NEWT level arithmacy. Needless to say he didn't make it to class on time.

* * *

Dudley Dursley was very unhappy, thank you very much. The American table was taken down, and so he had to resort to less bacon filled breakfast options. He had wanted to skip out on geometry, and wasn't allowed to no matter how much of a fit he threw. His behavior was so spoiled, that Draco Malfoy was still picking his jaw up from the floor.

Peeves saw this sorry boy, and saw no other course of action but to chase him down the halls. He hid in a corner until the ghost left. He contented himself thinking that at least he got to skip geometry. However when he glanced around he saw that he had no idea where he was and he felt his foot fall into a step. Dudley cried out in shock and tried to pull his foot out. He was pulling his leg with all his might and covered in sweat before a Mediterranean looking girl around his own age came around a corner.

"Hey!" Dudley called out.

The girl looked startled, but comprehension dawned on her face when she saw Dudley.

"Don't feel bad, people usually step in it at least five times in their first year," She consoled Dudley. When she finished rescuing the poor boy, she stood up with her hand extended to shake his hand. He noticed that she was part of that nerd house.

"My name is Zoe Lancaster," She supplied, holding her hand closer hoping he would get the hint. Something sparked in Dudley's foolish little brain, and that spark was a stupid little spark. Like many boys his age, and a good amount of men, Dudley tended to misinterpret friendliness and politeness as flirting. An arrogant knowing grin crossed his features.

"I suppose you're pretty enough to make up for your freakishness," Dudley pondered. "But it couldn't be anything more than casual."

Zoe's arm dropped down to her side, and she backed away slowly. She turned around and sprinted.

"What did I say?" Dudley asked himself. He decided to investigate.

* * *

Andrew Bird decided he was going to sneak into the Slytherin dorms at night and do something horrible to Draco Malfoy. Shave his head and tear up his fancy robes. Perhaps he would teach all the cats in the castle to pee on Draco's shoes. Maybe he could steal his hair dye or mascara and eyebrow makeup. You can't have both that white blond color and normal brown hair; one of the two must be fake.

Andrew was plotting because he had run across another one of Hogwarts menaces, Slytherin bullies. It wasn't anything Draco did in particular; it was that his friends pulled him away from the argument before he could say his very witty comeback.

This lead to him stalking around the halls and he came across the sound of bullying in a girls bathroom. He decided it was time to use his witty rebuttal, and hoped that it was Malfoy doing the bullying. He didn't question what Malfoy would be doing in a girl's restroom, nor did he consider that that situation would provide better material for goading.

He stormed in, and found Dudley cornering a fellow Hufflepuff. Andrew almost intervened but he realized that this boy was a chatty fellow who he had grown to loathe in the short time he shared a room with him. His name was Phillip

Andrew turned around as Phillip was chatting with his bully. It might have been something to get him out of this situation, but Andrew had come to treat his voice as white noise and therefore had no idea. Dudley grabbed his throat and he amazingly continue to chatter, but it sounded like a choked hissing noise.

As the chamber of secrets opened Dudley dropped his victim in shock, Phillip remained silent, and Andrew was transfixed.

"What do you think we should do?" Andrew asked.

"Maybe there's treasure?" Suggested Phillip.

At this suggestion Dudley grabbed their collars and jumped down the tunnel.

* * *

Stephanie actually found Professor Snape and Mr. Nettleship to be enjoyable teachers. They kept the class jerks under control and expected a lot from students. This was the type of teacher that most students hated but Stephanie always like the most. She always learned more from them, and they always seemed to develop a soft spot for her. It didn't hurt that she had a combined class of Slytherin and Ravenclaw. From what she heard they were kinder to both those groups.

There was a teacher that she disliked intensely, Professor Treylawney. She started off with a beginner's lesson, without doing any of the art Stephanie was looking forward to, and introduced them to reading tea leaves. How on earth did that Treylawney woman see a shark and a serpent in that mangled mess?

Now she had to face her friends teasing her with fake Freudian slips about killing her. Where was Phillip? He was supposed to be in this class.

* * *

To say Dudley was alarmed at the pile of bones he landed on would be an understatement. His two unwilling guest reacted in much the same manner. However Phillip noticed that none of these skeletons were human, and vocalized this. This settled everyone enough to continue on this adventure.

The anxiety returned when they came across a shed snake skin the size of a creek. They did press on when it came across Dudley's mind that this creature must be guarding something spectacular.

The skeleton was a relief to the two Hufflepuff boys, but Dudley thought it meant that someone else had taken it already. The boys then took the time to look at the purposefully threatening grandeur of the chamber.

"Maybe this man is an ancient wizard god?" Andrew suggested. "This may have been where they performed the sacrifices."

After taking note of the entire chamber, Andrew adopted a grim look on his face.

"Probably human," He added.

"This is boring," Dudley complained.

"Does anyone have a working video camera? This would make for a fantastic Indie horror movie," the suddenly less annoying Phillip asked. Dudley was significantly less bored.

"We can call it Snake God's Tomb or something like that," Dudley suggested. He loved horror movies.

"We can start writing it once we have a paper and pen," Andrew suggested.

"…Does anyone know how to get out?" Phillip asked.

* * *

Stephanie started searching for Phillip when class let out. He always need her help in tutoring, and missing classes early on in the year always got him stuck in a bad habit. Then he would need more help than usual and rob her of her free time. Stephanie had given up on telling herself she would refuse him, because she always bailed him out.

She lost her train of thought as she passed that Malfoy boy. How could someone have platinum blond hair on top of their heads and brown hair everywhere else? She understood the concept of hair dye but everyone said that was his actual hair.

"VICTORY!" A voice she recognized as Phillip's shouted. She turned around to the source, prepared to give him a good chewing out. The sight of Phillip, the fat bully, and Andrew all covered in slime and standing in a dramatic heroic pose temporarily knocked all anger out of her mind. Temporarily being the key word.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" She screamed.

"We're making a movie!" Phillip yelled in response.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: This is a dramatic chapter, and as I'm writing it I realize I'm neglecting the humor aspect. Hopefully I managed a few jokes. I realize that the last chapter was a fluff chapter, so I'm giving you a growth chapter. As I've said before I will be finishing this thing!

May God have mercy on me for creating a pairing. This may be the only combination of two people that can't be found in a romantic story on this site (I've checked), and I've put the possibility out there. I take full responsibility for this monster.

* * *

In the span of two days Harry's reputation as a star athlete had spread. It didn't cross Harry's mind to bask in his fame, but he found Quidditch derived fame to be somewhat enjoyable. It wasn't rooted in something he doesn't remember and he never had a family member die because of Quidditch.

So yes, the bounce in Harry's step was because the muggle exchange students thought he was a star. He didn't care who judged him for it, least of all Snape.

Then Dudley had to ruin it.

It all started with an ordinary conversation during the free hours between curfew and classes. Many students gathered in the great hall during that time. Tables were set out here and there and most were occupied by exploding snap and wizard's chess. Dudley and a sixth year Hufflepuff were making light conversation.

"So he's your cousin isn't he?" the older Hufflepuff asked.

"Yeah, but he never amounted to much in our kind of sports if that's what you're thinking," Dudley answered, sounding a bit defensive.

"That's surprising, I bet he never went out for any teams," the Hufflepuff stated. "You don't get to be the youngest Quidditch player in a century without a good amount of athleticism."

"Youngest? I'm pretty sure if he was allowed to try out and he made it then other people his age did so as well," a Ravenclaw muggle put in skeptically. She had heard a large amount of hero worship coming from Hogwarts students, and she was betting at least half of it was blown wildly out of proportion.

"He didn't actually try out," the Hufflepuff answered. "His head of house saw him flying unsupervised before his first lesson was done. He supposedly caught a clear glass object in a dive."

"We can't say he got on the team on pure untrained talent," a third year Slytherin stated.

"I heard that his father was a Quidditch star," The Hufflepuff offered. "There may have been some legacy thrown in."

"Please, we both know he didn't get in because of his father's fame," the Slytherin said. "He got in because his own fame."

"How was he famous before that?" the Ravenclaw muggle asked.

"Scar, dead parents, etcetera-etcetera," the third year answered flippantly.

Dudley was very confused by this, and that confusion caused him to ask a question. The asking of this question could be comparable to lighting a fire in a forest that had suffered through a year of drought.

"I thought all that happened in a car crash?" Dudley blurted out.

Alright, it could be argued that this revelation was inevitable and that Dudley was not to blame for introducing the concept of the boy who lived to all the muggles at the school. He did let everyone know that he had been lied to about Harry's orphaning, leading to question involving Harry being lied to as well.

Sooner or later the story of how Voldemort vanished would have been told. There wouldn't have been a shock rippling throughout the great hall if it had been one isolated story telling. There wouldn't have been a group gathering to hear the real story of the death of Lily and James Potter. If Dudley hadn't made it such a public affair the story wouldn't have spread like a forest fire.

* * *

Harry was blindsided by questions like 'Do you remember killing you-know-who?' and comments like 'You took down an evil dictator! Awesome!' when he sat down for dinner. He should have expected it, he was becoming famous for one reason so the other reason was bound to come up. He could acknowledge that intellectually. However he was not reacting with his intellect when he rushed out of the hall without eating anything.

Two hours later he realized that he needed to eat, and took a trip to the kitchens. He ate silently for a few minutes, and then was surprised by his company. Aunt Marge walked in and instead of the usual disdain on her face, there was something unreadable. She sat down in front of him.

"I'll admit, they weren't the drunks I thought they were," She opened.

"Sorry I blew you up," Harry said.

"What?" She asked completely bewildered. Harry remembered that her memory had been modified.

"Nothing," He spurted out. Then he calmed down. "Have you gotten along with any of the teachers?"

"At first that McGonagall woman seemed like just the sort you wanted to teach," she answered. "But I'm not sure after…"

"You found out that she is really fond of my parents," Harry supplied.

"It's very different from what I've heard from my brother," she admitted. "I still believe him, especially since she turned my wardrobe violet."

Harry smiled at that.

"You used the bitch and pup metaphor in front of her, didn't you?" Harry asked.

"I had a firm supporter in your potions teacher until I brought that up," She said. "It appears St. Brutus's would have been good for you. You've caused far too much trouble to be tolerated."

Harry sighed; she was going back to her old self.

"Did you and Snape hit it off then?" Harry asked snidely.

"Far too peaky and skinny for my taste," she said. "I fear I'd be too much woman for him."

She paused for a moment.

"Perhaps if I could make him eat more steak, bulk him up a bit" She said in a tone Harry was scared to identify.

Harry wrapped some food up in a napkin and left for his dorms, all the while refusing to let images form in his mind. Yes, Harry was fleeing. Even Gryffindors have limits to their bravery.


End file.
